The ugly/Messy times in life can be the best if you learn to embrace it all.

Peonys are so beautiful. One of my favourite flowers in fact. When in bloom they look so gorgeous. But not too soon after flowering they look dreadful. They are yellow and brown and look very sad. We could think we have failed at the peony planting. ‘What have I done, and why does it look this way?’ But the peony has to be left this way so that it is able to nourish its roots ready for the spring. First thought is to tidy it up and cut away the leaves that look yuk. Honestly I have to really give myself a talking to, so I don’t cut them too prematurely for the sake of garden vanity.

The leaves must be left this way, so there is a period of doing absolutely nothing, so they can get nourishment ready for the spring, but we are left having to look at these yellow/brownish leaves because you cannot cut them back until the nourishment has taken place. Until enough time has passed. Do you have the patient to just wait in your life or in your business when you are in change, grieving loss or any kind of transition? When we are faced with change and transition, we are faced with a grief or a letting go of something, a job, a loved one, a role, a friend, a purpose, and It is a time for nurturing and nourishment, to release emotions and just be with ourselves and to be compassionate, but our lives can feel too busy to slow down, and life can feel yuk and messy. It feels emotional and it can be hard to concentrate or function as we normally would, but sometimes we feel desperate for everything to be ok, to get back to normal, whatever that it. There doesn’t always seem to be enough time for the mess. But this time of just being is full of nourishment. You cannot have one stage without the other. We cannot bloom in our lives, if we are unable to release and just be.

Cutting back, or change, or loss is inevitable in our lives, and it is so important in our process of growth to be able to process this time, but can we be still in those moments as much as we can feel alive when we are blooming? Being patient and knowing what you need is so important, instead of rushing and trying to tidy all the emotional mess away too quickly, suppressing it under the emotional rug called the body.

The most ugly times in our lives, can be the most nourishing. Times when we hibernate or when we are not blooming is still a time for growth, If you have faith, knowing the cycle of life is at play. There are so many times in my life that have appeared so ugly and messy, but I learnt to have faith, and be present in these moments, learning to love the ugly/messy moments because they always helped me to bloom again and feel great, and each time I learnt something new. Each moment brought with it something beautiful. Where are you in your stage of life.. the ugly or the bloom.. both are beautiful if you can learn to love it all.   

These stages exist side by side and one is not better than the other. They are stages, and when we accept this in life we can embrace our ugly moments and come to love them, knowing we are going to bloom again. Life is about light and dark, and coming to know they are one. They are not right or wrong, good or bad, they are simply moments like the seasons. they come and go, but there is a certainty, that we know they come and go. Death, change and loss is inevitable. Learning to embrace the change with a simple acknowledgement, and a knowing nod and welcome, helps the mess of change happen smoothly. Who would ever consider mess smooth, but yes it becomes a welcomed friend, knowing the seasons will change.

I eventually came to understand how important the ugly moments were, in fact they are so important that they became beautiful in their own right. When I relaxed and understood this everything changed. I could accept myself knowing all was ok and I would be ok in the cycle of life as long as I came to nourish and understand the ugly/messy moments.

In life we can experience some true ugly moments. In loss and grief and change. And sometimes we think this is it and nothing will ever change, and we panic, too quickly wanting to discard the ugly when actually it is nourishing us. Being in the grief of change and being still helps us to process. It can be nourishing, so do not be tempted to want to clear it all up like the peony leaves.. Revel in it and enjoy the space that it brings. Because it can bring space, peace and wisdom.   The ugly/messy parts are our dark moments that feel they will never end. But it is who we truly our, our most beautiful selves. If you try to tidy everything up, so it doesn’t look messy, instead of letting it go, then you suppress it deep into your roots, into the cells of your body, using up energy and continuing to show up in your lives when we really don’t want the ugliness to show up. But it will when you least expect it to.

So many of the women that I have had the pleasure in helping to bloom, discovered they had swept so much under their rug because life was too busy, because as women we are looking after everyone else and we have to carry on. And for most women they didn’t even know it was under their rug. They didn’t even know it existed. But for a lot of us we don’t have the pleasure in slowing down with the responsibilities we have. Miscarriages, depression, loss, all swept under the carpet, to rear its head again years later. Some as late as twenty to thirty years later. If we don’t slow down and accept sometimes in life we are just going to be those brown/ yellow leaves, then it will be hard truly bloom again, because you will not have nourished your body enough by releasing and looking after yourself. If you want to Bloom, you need to know what you need and when, following the seasons of life.