The self takes time being its new authentic self, without roles. Knowing you can accept yourself as your new self and shine, no matter what, but this takes time. Arriving at this place is a journey. The old memories and the old ways ebbing away, like a distant memory but none the less they are there as we step into our new self. Putting our new self on like a new dress, or a new pair of shoes and figuring out how it is going to feel. Who are we becoming? We try this and that to see which pair of shoes or dress fit perfectly.  

But starting anything new comes with a need for consistency no matter how skilled you are and how well you know your ‘self.’

When starting something new we often default to I am not good enough rather than remaining in the small steps of consistent learning, which can be tough when your programming can be telling you that you are rubbish, you are never going to get it right, or that you are not as good as the others.  But this is simply not true, it is our programming. Everyone has to start at the beginning when we are learning something new. We all start with vulnerable chicken legs. Everyone has to start at the not knowing, whether it is relationships, jobs and careers, or life. Continually trying on dresses, hats and shoes is what helps us to find who we are, but we have to start, so we know what we like and don’t like.

I love dancing like my life depends on it. My soul and  body needs movement to feel alive. And when the self is becoming and arriving it too needs movement to shake off the old beliefs and programming. It needs space to grow and movement is magic for the soul.

Even though I love dancing, starting a new dance class is no different to starting new.  It needs a gentle reminder that I need to do it again and again AND AGAIN!!!, with the same routine over and over until it begins to feel natural. Until before you know it the clunky steps of trying to master the steps like I am a new born stumbling around, suddenly become so natural that the rhythm and beat lights my soul.

But this does not happen by accident. It happens because of a number of components. The first is because the teacher is so consistent. She is clear. No matter if you are newbie or a long standing dancer you can always guarantee she will tell you the next steps. She never forgets and there is a routine that she sticks to. If your mind wanders at any point or you are new to mastering the rhythm she is there, guiding you every step of the way.

She always turns up, unless she has holiday which you know in advance, but beyond a shadow of a doubt you know you can count on her because she is clear and consistent.  As I finish my class, I get to speaking to a newbie. She tells me, ‘She is great isn’t she. She is so clear and you still work up a sweat.’

‘Yes it makes such a difference,’ I reply.

Having experienced many dance/fitness teachers, the golden key to joy and success is consistency and clarity. Not fancy footsteps, or twirls that change each week and make the teacher look amazing. Because I am sure all teachers have a plethora of skills under their belt, but when teaching newbies, we need clear, easy to follow steps. Not complication. We need a safe space where we can master the beat.

As children and as adults we need moments of clear, consistent clarity. Not flash, super complicated, but something simple and clear, so we can connect and master something new. When we are starting anything new, consistency and clarity is what creates connection and kindness goes a long way, understanding we are mastering the new.

The feeling that comes when you master the steps, as they become your beat, can feel amazing. You somehow enter into a phase of not having to think anymore and you can simply enjoy the moment instead of doing the chicken dance. Your confidence begins to soar, increasingly feeling good that you have finally mastered something, while you gently look over your shoulder and notice the newbies flapping to follow the steps.. remembering how you felt, but you now know the beat.

At last, remembering the routine with a tiny smug glow, feeling clever ready to take on more, when suddenly you miss a beat, hurtling you back to the chicken, as if life is sending you a tiny reminder not to get too smug, reminding you not to run before you can walk. Life’s way of saying stay here for a bit, knowing you need time of this continued enjoyment before you need to learn more, or advancing back to the beginning of another level of learning.

You have spent weeks learning. The clunky hard steps and you want to revel in the easy movements for now. You want to feel the master before you pile more learning onto your plate. Taking time out, on our road to the discovery of the self, to feel the joy in your new mastered skills is so important.

Becoming and discovering the ‘self’ is no different. Discovering our ‘self’ and learning who we are is a learning process that arrives in stages and steps and it is easy to look at others that seem to have mastered everything, your heart sinking, feeling there is a mountain to climb. But anyone who has reached the summit, had to start not having a clue. But they stayed consistent.

Instead of looking at the mountain it is always to good to acknowledge the arrival of the end of one path, before turning to the next. Give yourself a moment to enjoy the path you are on. Take a glimpse of the view, and acknowledge how far you have come, instead of wanting to race to the top.

When we become mastered at one stage we can advance if we wish but each stage brings us back to the beginning remembering we are new again. And we are going to feel vulnerable for a time. We have to be kind to ourselves as we begin gently trying to be consistent in this new, new, while still saying goodbye to the old. One foot on the new path and one foot just leaving the old road. And turning up means we feel silly or vulnerable, or not quite getting it right, knowing turning up anyway is a major step and leads us to the path of becoming. Remembering it is never because we can’t do something it is because we are learning.

Following someone else’s beat is always challenging because it takes a learning, a time of vulnerability, and starting new, and energy, but if we want to learn skills, we have to be the pupil.  

Children starting out in life, learning the game of life, need consistent, predictable environments. Which are safe, and clear. They need a teacher, aka parent, that turns up consistently, they need clear steps to create connection, so they can master life and their emotions.

If we grow up with inconsistency and confusion, we spend our lives thinking we cannot achieve anything or that we are not good enough. When in reality it all boils down to our teachers and our environments.

Did you start life with a consistent, clear, safe environment? Or were you constantly trying to figure things out emotionally, never really feeling like you mastered it. Never really feeling like you understood how life worked. Left with the feeling of not being good enough. Or that you can’t learn, always shying away from learning and becoming the master of your own life.

Turning up consistently, knowing we are learning is the key to confidence. Small consistent steps, create change. Not large gigantic steps or massive gestures that happen once a year. Small steps that arrive consistently. Each time we master something life gets a little easier. Be the master of your life and begin the process of becoming.

We and children are no different. In order to feel confident and succeed we need to master things and situations with clear, consistent teachers in a safe space.

Our small achievements may seem insignificant to others but to the self they can be gigantic.. mastering my dance moves was beyond exhilarating. Small in comparison to others achievements but none the less an achievement that gave me lots of pleasure. Children’s small steps are no different and need to be marvelled, someone to witness them so they can be seen and rejoiced. This brings confidence knowing every step of the way we can figure it out somehow if we just keep going.

I love these moments together

Love Sharon x

Loveontheinside.com