I have been meaning to write this post for a few weeks now, but somehow other posts came before it. Yet I know it is one of the most fundamental parts of the journey and I wanted to share it with you.

Back and forth is what creates change, but we believe we have to follow a straight line to get to a destination. We believe we have to force, work harder with all our might to achieve, instead of realising when doors are not opening there is a reason.

“When going round and round, the only way out is to go in.” Loti

Going backwards is so fundamental to creating change, but we have been conditioned to believe we have to keep going. Because if we don’t we have to admit being a failure.

But this is what life makes you believe, instead of understanding it is a necessary part of the process.

If you are trying to get somewhere by ego, the doors are much harder to open. The doors you want to open. Doors open with love.

When love and awareness is in your heart doors fly open. When you feel great the doors just show up. But they also show up when you do not feel great. If you look in the right places. What does this even mean? When you accept yourself then you can begin to open the doors.

Today I had a magical day. I feel so blessed to be experiencing such lovely moments. They may not appear massive or great to most, but to me they have so much meaning and they fill me with such love. I know this might sound corny but it is true.

Today I met up with a friend, someone I have known for a long time. Someone I had not seen for a little while, not because I didn’t want to keep in contact.

Writing for me is about how it feels. Not just for the sake of writing. It is about sharing moments of connections and how they impact us. I realise now I was waiting for this feeling to write this post and it arrived today. So thank you my friend. x

Today I watched the most magical performance of Loves Labours lost at the Globe. It was an absolute joy, hours of fun filled laughter. My visit was not only to see the performance but to see my friend who had returned.

From the moment he stepped onto the stage, I just felt his presence there. He was absolutely brilliant as were all the cast. He lit up the stage, and to see him perform was magic.

Why was it magic? Because this talented individual arrived years ago from another country. He came with a huge vision.

A vision that was to see him act on stage at the Globe, playing the exact character he was playing. So you would think, ‘Well done, you made it,’ would be in order. But that was not the reason for the magic. That was just the result, the outcome but that was not the magic.

What happened when he arrived in the uk years ago when he first arrived?

He studied, he met some lovely people, made connections, but doors were not really opening for work.

He could feel the frustration and the energy was not right, but he kept on going working harder and harder. He kept on trying hoping the doors would open.

He could not go home because he would feel a failure, so he thought.

‘Sharon I couldn’t go home because I felt I would have failed, but then I suddenly realised a little door opened for me next to the big one. The big one was not opening so I went through the little one. I went home,’ he told me.

‘But I realised it was not failure,’ he continued.

So what happened next? He went home. He went backwards, back through that door, but what he didn’t realise, was on the other side of the door, was something magical and he didn’t realise what was ahead of him.

Connections and opportunities, that he could never have envisioned. But he took the door anyway. He surrendered. Instead of fighting and forcing. He chose the only route. To some that might feel like failure. It might feel like giving up, or weak, but following the path of least resistance, is our door to joy.

Because what happened next was pure magic. After taking the small door and seemingly looking like he was giving up on his dream, instead taking the only door available to him.

He went home, back from where he came, where doors opened for him. He got jobs, worked, travelled, and continued to perform in Shakespeare’s plays in other countries.

This is when then the magic happened. With one connection after another without force, without pushing he made his way back to the stage of the Globe.

One moment after another, one connection after another leading him back to his dream. He couldn’t believe the doors began to open by themselves. Opportunities began to open without force.

It took him courage to follow his dream and head to London. It took him courage to go home. But he had made connections and relationships, that helped him make his way back, but not by force, but with love and connection, and they just happened.

So without coming to London in the first place and without going back he would never have arrived. So he went back and forth, finally ending up at the Globe playing the character he had always wanted to play.

Understanding our energy is so vital. The minute his energy changed by going home, and realising they were so happy to see him, the opportunities opened up, and he continued to follow the energy. Staying in London kept him stuck. Why? because he had left behind parts of himself that he needed to bring with him.

Going home is the key. This can be a journey of discovery home within ourselves or it can be literally going home. If doors are not opening and you are forcing life, where are your little doors, that lead to the big ones?

The little door is going home to ourselves but sometimes in life we have to go backwards to go and get ourselves. For most of us we forge forwards in life looking for the big doors, but we forget to bring with us the very thing we need to open the big doors.

We need our SELF. Our little inner child and we find her through those small doors. She has the wisdom to open the big doors. But we have to be brave enough to go through the small doors to find her.

We fear failure and weakness, but going backwards in not failure and weakness, it allows us to open doors easier.

The joy and magic I felt, was not because he was on stage at the Globe, although he was amazing. It was because he had the courage to go back through that little door and realise he was not NOT a failure.

It took courage, to follow the doors of joy instead of the door of performance, which led him to the very place he wanted to be.

‘Other People don’t think you are a failure,’ he told me, ‘they are just so happy to see you when you walk through the door.’

‘Nobody can teach you this,’ he told me. ‘You just have to live and figure it out for yourself. You just have to let go of expectations. Because it doesn’t always go as you expect, and you have to let it fill you up instead of resisting it.’

Such wisdom from someone who may have felt lost. I love these moments, when someone finds their way. They may seem small but they are filled with such joy.

He was so right. You cannot teach courage and letting go, because that is a journey of discovery, one you arrive at.

You have to be ready to let go, to know you are never a failure, that you are just following what feels good and when doors don’t open there is a reason. You may have to go through your little door first.

You may have to go backward, and find your SELF, knowing it is not a failure. Our courage comes from the sacred space and the small steps and doors we continue to walk through.

You cannot teach it, but you can help someone find their door, and you can show them that they have the key to open it, so they can find the door much easier.

But that person has to be ready and willing to surrender and go through the door. Sometimes having someone along side you on the path to the door is so key.

Going back is going back to get the most valuable thing you have and that is wisdom.

The art is not opening the doors for people. It is just being there when they discover them. Nobody needs fixing they just need to accept themselves so they can find their doors.

But if we are too big, and our lives are so big, we have to get smaller to get through the door. Letting go of roles and identities that we collect, can sometimes be tough but it allows us to see the doors.

After sharing his story, he then told me, ‘I never believed in anything like that, you know, spiritual, but I am starting to wonder.’

He knew I was all in.. you know the spiritual woo woo one. Even though most of the time I kept it to myself, until someone could see their door. Witnessing the energy is enough to guide. He was starting to realise there was actually something in this stuff, but you have to be ready. The art is knowing when to surrender, when to take action, and when to shine. He was most definitely shining and it showed.

I have been backwards in my life so many times, letting go of relationships, jobs, identities and roles, each time finding new doors and new ways.

Each time finding connections that just fill you with joy. Knowing how to find the doors is the key. Knowing we are never really going backwards because back and forth is the way we keep going forwards. It is the wisdom of how we keep connected to our SELF on the journey.

Creating a life with you in it, is about finding the doors, not continually abandoning yourself, pushing and forcing.

If you find yourself in a place where you are no longer in a relationship or job or you find you have surrendered to the going backwards, feeling like a failure, just know that behind that door is a greater feeling.

Follow it and return home and reach for the feeling that makes you glow. Even if it means letting go of preconceived ideas. Or letting go of, the way you expected life to go.

These are the moments that fill me with joy. Connection and finding doors. You just never know where they are going to lead, and you just never know when someone will leave your life and when they will return. He never left, he just went through a door and sometimes in life you have to do what is right for you and your SELF.